Sexual Disturbia
by Draculaizmyhomie
Summary: What happens when a guy takes a liking to Edwrad Cullen? Will it lead to sexual harrassment? Set after BD
1. Chapter 1

**A/N**

So sorry for deleting this story guys. I thought we had quite, but it was a misunderstanding.

So I'm re-uploading it and we are going to continue writing even better than before!!!!

We may even guest star the Jonas Brothers as a four way with Brendzen.

Hope you'll forgive me!!!

Also, it's going to take longer because we're going to write a few chapters at a time and then post them, so don't expect quick updates!!!!


	2. intro

DISCLAIMER: **Sadly, we do not own any of the characters in this story****L **

**This is co written with Kuryn426. Our inspiration was our friend Matthew (ir0ck3r), who is straight!**

**INTORDUCTION **

I was driving my totally awesome car, and was blasting Here In Your Arms, by Hellogoodbye. It is the hottest song alive! I was on my way to my new high school, Forks High! I am totally going to be the sexiest thing in school with my Jordan's.

I pulled up into the school parking lot, turned off the radio, and climbed out of my car. I made sure I locked it, there was no way some bitch was going to come and steal my baby. I walked up the steps and already heard whispers. OMG, couldn't they wait for me to at least make my grand entrance! I walked into the front office. This freaky hoe looked up at me and smiled. Geese, talk about a need of a makeover! Oh, well. She asked for my name and I replied, "Nanya business". She smiled that creepy smile and gave me a paper. I looked at the schedule and noticed my first class was math. I hope I don't have that Mr. Asstard. He's scary. She then proceeded to tell me all this worthless shit that had nothing to do with my social life what so ever. I got bored after awhile and then she finally shut the f*** up! I was sooooo happy now! I gave her a your-such-an-ass smile and turned around.

When I walked into math Mr. Asstard told me to go sit next to this bitchy ass hoe, Jessica. Ha, what a slut.

When I sat down I secretly flicked her off by rubbing my temple with my middle finger. She glared at me and then spoke.

"Are you gay"? she asked in her fucked up prissy voice.

"Yeah, problem bitch"? I was soooo annoyed. She opened her mouth to speak but her slow ass, shit for brain couldn't come up with a witty enough comment so she closed it and shut up. I turned back to face the front of the class and I could have sworn I heard giggling. Oh well.

After class, I rolled a joint and skipped second period to smoke it out back.

Lunch was different though. People kept staring at me and my sexy Jordan's. I decided to ignore them by singing in my head while buying my lunch. I started to hum along to "I'm Too Sexy For My Shirt". When I was done paying I turned around and spotted a group of kids sitting at the far wall.

As soon as I looked closer I saw the sexiest man alive. He had messy bronze hair and the most stunning topaz eyes. I was immediately in love and wanted him all to myself. Yet, as I looked closer, I saw this bitch with brown hair and the same topaz eyes. Damn her. The sexiest man alive squinted at me and then proceeded to lean down and kiss her. Oh hell no! This was not happening. I wanted to kill her right then, but they way this other guy next to him, who was also hot, with curly hair and huge muscles, looked at me, I decided against it. I hadn't even been here an hour and I already had a goal for the year:

Get this super de licious guy to be mine, and I didn't care if that meant sexual harassment.

EPOV

It was lunch and I was already nervous. So many people were thinking about the new kid in school, who just so happened to be gay. So he must own the pink yellow smart car. I continued listening to people's thoughts as my Bella rubbed soothing circles in my hand, and it wasn't long until I heard his thoughts.

_I'm too sexy for my shirt, so sexy, it hurts._

I tuned out immediately and looked up. I stared into brown eyes that were full of…..lust? So this was the gay kid, and he was staring at me! Oh god, I needed to show him I was straight, but I couldn't think of anything. I then heard his thoughts again.

_That bitch._

Bitch? What bitch? I followed his eyes and realized he was staring at Bella. Of course, Bella! How could I forget. I took this chance to lean down and press my lips to hers. As soon as our lips touched, I got so lost in it, that the only words I heard from his mind was, sexual harassment.

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Please review, or else. Jk, but still review. Picture of car on profile.

Also, we do not have any intension to discriminate gays. We are simply writing this for a funny story. We mean no harm. If you have any questions, or requests, please review.


	3. Chapter 2

It had been two days since I got to Forks High, and the only thing I know about my soon-to-be boyfriend was that his name was Edward Cullen. I was very pleased to have seen that I had Spanish with him, along with this weird, bipolar pixie girl named Alice. I was glad that that bitch Bella wasn't in the class, or I would have seriously ripped her apart by now.

Today I had decided that I should make a move on Edward and show him how I feel. I had come up with the plan last night. It was brilliant. Oh shit, the bell just rang, time for Spanish! I swear the only word I know in Spanish is puto, so don't judge me!

As soon as I got to my seat, which was right next to Edward I looked at his marvelous face. He had the most perfect eyebrows, and the softest looking lips. His hair looked like he had just had some really good sex, and his eyes were dazzling. Just looking at his face reminded me of Mario Lopez without his shirt on. What a hunk! Edward scooted away from me and I frowned. Oh hell, the fuck, no! I was so going to make my move! I scooted closer to him and looked at our worksheet. We had to write the English meaning for the Spanish word. Damn this class! I looked up at Edward and smiled.

"Can I borrow your _pencil_, I left mine at home". I loved my double meaning to the first part of that sentence. I saw Edward cringe and hand me his pencil. Wow, that was hot. I wrote my name and his name on the paper, and then proceeded to write a few answers down. When I handed his pencil back, I let my hand drop and land on his thigh. God, it was muscular! Yet cold. Maybe I could warm it……… Edward jumped up from his seat and ran to the empty chair across the room. The teacher looked at him like he was on crack but didn't say anything and turned around. I moved my hand back to my desk and continued with the worksheet. Well, time to fail Spanish!

***

It was lunch and I was sad, and lonely. I started singing in my head.

_I'm so lonely, Mr. Lonely……._

Why did Edward run like that. Okay, so he was straight, point? I have never loved somebody as much as I do him, well, except for my mom, but that's whole other kind. I looked up to see the bipolar pixie smiling at me. Creepy.

"Hi", she said in a musical voice. I had never heard Edward's and I wanted to so bad. I stared at her for awhile silently asking her to proceed. She frowned.

"I understand you like my, um, brother. I just wanted to say that I hope you know he is straight, right"? What the hell!? Who the fuck does she think she is? Oprah! Of course I fucking know he's straight, why do you think I'm not with some gay guy? All they ever tell me is how much they think I'm hot, they never play hard to get. Yet Edward, was another story.

"Go. The Fuck. Away". I said this slowly and plainly so she would understand. She was so fucking weird. She mmphed, and walked away. Stupid bitch, go hide in a closet. I got up and walked away. Time for another plan.

**EPOV**

This was getting weirder by the minute. Brendzen kept having very disturbing fantasies about me and him. They were very hard to see. Alice was constantly telling me that I was going to falter and give Brendzen what he wanted. The hell I was! I loved Bella and that was it.

I had decided to go to Carlisle now that the Spanish incident had happened. I was playing Debussy and trying to relax. I couldn't. I just couldn't get him off my mind. I was going to have to tell him I didn't like him, and that I loved a girl. How could I tell him though? I couldn't just hurt his feelings, no matter how corny and fucked up that sounds right now.

I parked in the drive way and ran to Carlisle. He would help me, I know he would.

"Well, still having trouble with Brendzen"? He was smirking to no end.

"Yes". I mumbled. Could this get any worse?

"well, have a seat and why don't you tell me about it". I sat down on the couch and explained everything.

When I was done Carlisle was still smirking. If he wasn't so much like a father to me, I would have slapped him right there.

"It seems pretty easy son, all you have to do is upset him, and the only way who'll seem to do that is step on his Jordan's". I thanked Carlisle and walked to my room. I was so going to do that.

I was in my room lying on my bed admiring my Jordan's. I swear, if anyone stepped on these, I'd fucking kill them.

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	4. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 2**

It was Wednesday, the god damn middle of the week. It was only yesterday when I made the move on Edward. I was starting to worry he wouldn't like, but I was not going to stop trying!

I was walking to math while reading my new vampire book. It said all this stuff about how they sparkle and all this crap. I wish vampires were real, but only so I could become the male version of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It would be awesome to whoop that bitch's ass. I looked up in time to ram straight into the door. What the fuck?! I closed my book and kicked at the door. It wouldn't even crack. That was bullshit. I looked around and saw an emergency ax near the end of the hallway. Why the fuck was that at _school_? OH well. I broke the glass and grabbed the ax. I walked back to the door and started ramming it into the door. Ah heeelll yeah! I still ramming the door when I saw a flash of something out of the corner of my eye. I whipped around and to see what it was when I dropped the ax. I turned back in time to see it land on some kid's shoe blade first and bounce off. Holy shit! I looked up at the guy who somehow as impenetrable skin and saw none other then, Edward Cullen.

***

It was sixth period, which meant the last class of the day. Thank god! I was in chorus stuck with this whore Mrs. Wore. Yes, it is pronounced whore. I was laughing like crazy. She looked up at me with an angry look and asked what was so funny.

"Your face bitch"! I screamed it so even the other classes could hear.

"Brendzen, who sit down this instant and be quite"! She had a weird high pitched voice. It sounded like a fucking dying mouse.

"Make me". I was loving this.

"Brendzen, if you do not sit down this instant I will be forced to call the police".

"I'd love to see you try Mrs. _Whore. _Your such an asswipe"! She started walking across the room to the phone.

"Yeah that's right slut, pick up the damn phone, I swear I'll beat your ass any other day! Just call the cops you heifer"! I got up and ran from the room and out the door. While I was running out the door I bumped into to somebody and landed in their arms. I was gonna kill this mother fucker. I looked up and saw Edward's shocked face.

Change of plans.

**EPOV**

I was driving to school in my Volvo listening to Debussy. Bella was by my side assuring me that nothing bad was going to happen. I sure hope she was right. She was the best wife I could have asked for. I leaned over and kissed her. She gave me a quick kiss back and told me to concentrate. Yes, even after all these years she still had a little fear of my driving. Hilarious.

I got out of the car and walked Bella to her class. I told her goodbye and turned around heading to math, where I was going to step on Brendzen's Jordan's. I walked over the pavement and thought about being a vampire. We were like the pavement, hard, cold, and dangerous. I sighed sadly and continued walking.

When I got through the door I saw Brendzen ramming the classroom door with an ax. Thank god nobody but him was in the building yet because of the traffic delay I avoided. I dashed at vampire speed over to his other side hoping he wouldn't see me, yet when I reached his other side he spun around and dropped the ax. It landed right on my foot and bounced off. I heard a gasp and looked up. Damn. I took off at vampire speed to my class and tried to calm down. Which was impossible.

***

It was sixth period and I was walking down the music hallway. I always did this, I loved the sounds of the music coming from the classes. Yet, when I passed the chorus I heard shouting, not singing. I recognized the voice as Brendzen's and paused outside the door. I heard him screaming at the teacher, calling her a whore and bitch. I then heard him running but I thought he was charging at the teacher so I stayed where I was. Big mistake. I saw the door fling open and out drop Brendzen, straight into my arms. Damn. He looked up and gave me a smirk, and then I saw him thinking something I didn't want to see.

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	5. Chapter 4

**BRENDZENSPOV**

Hell yeah! I was in the arms of Edward Cullen. The Edward Cullen! He looked at me for awhile with utter shock on his face, which quickly turned to fear. Why the hell was this guy scared? He should be happy that he caught me and my sexy J's instead of that fucking whore Jessica. I smiled up at him and he cleared his throat.

"Brendzen", He gave a curt nod and released me, but I clung onto him with all my strength.

"Oh, c'mon baby, don't be like that. You know you loved catching me, maybe we can try a new style of catching……."I smiled an innocent smile and watched him swallow hard.

"I'm sorry Brendzen, but I'm not gay. Please leave me be". Oh, hell, the fuck, no. I will most definitely not sugar. I wish I could do something to show him how good I was for him. Wait a second….

I leaned up quickly and kissed him. His lips were amazingly soft, and yet extremely cold. I pulled back and smiled before he ever knew what hit him. I watched him gag, and the next thing I new he was gone and the door to the hallway was closing. Holy shit. How did he run so fast? I reached in my bag and pulled out my vampire book and turned it to page 33.

_THE SIGNS_

_1. Unnatural body temperature. (usually cold)_

_2. Extreme speed_

_3. Impenetrable skin_

And the list went on. Mmmmm, I wonder.

***

When I got home I saw the red light on the answering machine flashing. I walked over to it and pressed the "play" button. I heard the speaking in the background.

"Wow, I never knew they made vibrators with that much power. Oh shit, it's on". Holy fuck.

"Um, Hello, Mr. Collinsworth, this is principal Timmons, and I would like to inform you that your son has been disruptive lately and will be suspended the next time he acts up. Please keep him in check. Thank You", and the line went dead. I pressed the "reply" button and braced myself. The line picked up and I began in a deep voice,

"Look you fucking, arrogant, self-centered, mother fu**ing whore! My son will do as he pleases and will not be suspended, or I will hang you from a very uncomfortable place from the ceiling!" I pressed the button again and went to my room.

When I walked in my room, I saw something moving out of the corner of my eye. I looked toward my closet and there, standing like she owned the place, was that bitchy ass pixie that was supposedly Edward's sister.

"What the fuck do you want bitch?" I was pissed that she was in my fucking house.

"I'm _so sorry _for coming without warning, but I would like to ask of you _very nicely _if you _please_ stay away from my brother." Sarcasm was layed very thick in her tone. Damn.

"Fuck you, whore. Get the fuck out of my house before I come after you with scissors and rip up all your fag-bag designer clothes." I gave her a smirk and she looked at me in complete shock. She glared at me for a few seconds before stepping on my Jordan's and running downstairs. Oh, hell to the no!

"Get back here you fucking bipolar pixie freak! I will not come after you with scissors, but fucking chainsaw!" Oh, and trust me, I was not afraid too. I slipped off my Jordan's and went to the bathroom to polish them whispering, "It's okay babies, she won't hurt you again", along the way.

**EPOV**

I stared at Brendzen with complete and utter shock. Why did I not leave when I had had the chance?! I looked at Brendzen and cleared my throat. I was scared, and it takes a lot to scare a vampire.

"Brendzen". I said with a curt nod and let him go, be never let go of me.

"Oh, c'mon baby, don't be like that. You know you loved catching me, maybe we can try a new style of catching……." I looked at him shocked once again. That's the nastiest thing I had ever heard, I mean, if he was Bella, that would have probably been a turn on, but now, not so much.

"I'm sorry Brendzen, but I'm not gay. Please leave me be". I asked and tried to walk away. I watched him smirk and before I knew it, I was being kissed. Before I could do anything he backed away and let go of me. I didn't care if he saw or not, but I rushed out the door at full vampire speed.

I ran straight home, not even bothering about my other classes. I could always make up an excuse later. I ran to the living room and found Alice and Renesmee on the couch talking.

"Alice, he kissed me. He kissed me! You got to help me, please." I was ready to get on my knees and beg if that's what it took.

"Relax Edward, why do you need my help though? can't you break his arm or som…"

"NO!!!!!" Renesmee screamed as loud as she could, hurting our sensitive ears. "You will not hurt him daddy, please promise me that. I don't want anybody to get hurt, please". I would have said no, but I can't deny her anything. Same with Bella.

"Alright honey. I won't hurt him, but Alice, could you go talk to him? He won't listen to me." She nodded and got up off the couching, running through the door to his house.

***

Alice got home with a worried expression. We all asked what had happened.

"Well, I stepped on his Jordan's, and he got pissed. He said he would come after my clothes with a chainsaw". WE all laughed at this, but the laughing was cut short by her expression.

"I don't think he was kidding, or just threatening me. I think he was dead serious".

He wouldn't. Or would he???

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